OCR Text |
Show J f THURSDAY, JANUARY THURSDAY. JANUARY 12. 1933 The Sons By J. Nile Washburn. Yes, sir, come in, sir. Yes, this is the O'Foole Employment Agency. Step right in," sir. Name's Barnaby? Mr. T. R. Barnaby? I'm proud to meet you, Mr. Barnaby. I see you-r- e from out of town and want a wet nurse, a competent wet nurse, and elderly, to take charge of a household. Most unfortunate, these thing's, Mr. Barnaby. Quite right.. Set right down, Mr. Barnaby, and have a cigar. A wet nurse, competent, and elderly, to take care of a family. For about a hundred month, Mr. Barnor aby? or eighty? Seventy-fiv- e One eighty. Good. Quite right must have a good one. Yes, they're scarce, but all good employment agencies have them. We have several. George, look in the white files between 75 and 80 and find a competent, elderly wet nurse for Mr. or eighty, Barnaby, for seventy-fiv- e to take charge of a family. if THE LEHI FREE PRESS 'dM'T'i of Toyle You had an accident at your place? Oh, I see, the doctor ordered the wet nurse. That's not so bad. Ys, accidents are a funny thing. We started this here employment agsney of mine kind of by accident. Be sure and let me know, George, as soon as we loate the wet nurse. Yes, we started by accident. And funny, too. It was about a wet nurse. Only the doctor didn't order this one. you see, it was like this. Me and Annie we'd been wearin' down the hinges on the gate for a long time and wantin' to make a trip to the preacher. But I didn't have no job, and Annie she had good sense. Well, one day I seen a advertisement in the paper. Mrs. A. P. Toyle wanted a wet nurse to take care of a pair of twin boys. The rest of that ad made me wish I could qualify. I knew who Mrs. A. P. Toyle was. She was A. P. Toyle's wife. Anyway it gave me an idea. There ipidMy "' "mi m o" Mini "T ' TTiW SERVICE Best? Why Not The Let us replace your next BATTERY Our prices are the lowest possible. Central Service PHONE 11 DON HOLDAWAY, Manager 108 STATE STREET, LEHI, UTAH Things UouNevor Know 1 That Soap Would Do lor Shoes that 1 ts of ais like that wantin' somebody, and lots of people wantin' jobs. I was one of 'em. Th?t'? how I started this here employment agency of mine. I wanted to get thern jobs and people connected up. That night I tc!d Annie what I was goin' to do. I was gain' to start out with that wet nurse ad and asked Annie to help me locate the nurse. The next day she asked me if this here employment agency of mine could place anybody, and then she went right ahead and done the plac-iWhen she told me what she was figurin' on, I embraced the idea lock, stock, and hogshead, as the sayin' gnes, right along with Annie. She said she was goin to wait till this here employment agency of mine got to standin' me in pocket for some money before sayin' "yes." In the meanwhiles, like any other prospective boss, she was goin' to learn the business from the furnace room to the drain pipes. And she done it with a vengeance. As I said before, Annie transacted the first business done by this here This employment agency of mine. Mrs. A. P. Toyle advertised for a wet nurse. Well, Annie she went up there to the big palace where the Toyles lived when they wasn't out to some of their clubs. She found the missus home, and in less than ten minutes she convinced her that she didn't want a wet nurse. Wihat she was needin' was a conscientious young guardian. She explained that with a, well, a so to speak, from little the missus, for a few months, she could raise them twins to their parents' entire satisfaction. Which was-n- t' so hard. When Annie was through talkin', there wasn't any more chance for a wet nurse there than there is for a elephant to get Inside of a bird cage. What is it, George? A negro steeple chaser? Oh a steeple washer. Yes, in the black cards from 150 up. And call me when the wet nurse comes. This A. P. Toyle was born into what the professors call a classical home. Now don't misunderstand me, the home itself wasn't classical. It was just plain lumber. Not planed lumber you understand, but plain lumber. And the air was just as smoky as anywhere. But anyway It was a classical home. A. P.'s father was teacher in the university. And what do you suppose he was teacher of? WelL sir, it was language. When a thing gets dead they call it classical. Well that's what I mean. That old man was classical. He was the last of a classical line. And that line was like everything that's classical it was dead, a deadline. You had to be a preacher, or a doctor, or a professor to belong to that line. It had never had a millionaire. Well, sir, A. P. was born into that classic atmosphere. His old man was in Europe somewhere at the time. Now A. P. was the only son, there being a large family of girls, and all classical. Well the old fellow was right proud over the prospect of hav-ia son to hold up the saggin' end He wired of the family deadline. home a name for him. That telegram cost so much it cut the professor's tour short two weeks. And it only had four words. It said, Name him ." The last Archimedes name started with a "P" hut I won't tell you what it was because I can't pronounce it, and anyway I've forgot was Cbfe I n. n' Brushes Stiff a piece of Ivory soap and rub It thoroughly over the inside lining of To remove the shine from cloth- the shoes, especially where the toes ing, make a thick paste by dissolv- and heel touch. Also rub Ivory ing half a small cake of Ivory soap soap on the parts of the feet where shaved fine (or 3 ox. Ivory Flakes) the shoes chafe. In a quart of water. Then sponge the clothing with this pasta, using Keep Brushes Stiff Remove the Shine from Clothing a woolen cloth. Sponge again with To keep brushes stiff and in good clear water. Place a clean cloth over clothing and press with hot condition, wet the brush In a solution of about one teaspoon of amIron while still damp. monia and one and a half pints of water. Then soap the brush well Keep Shoe from Chafing Feet with Ivory soap, rubbing It lightly To keep shoes from chafing the with the hands. Rinse several times feet, rub the stockings or socks In the ammonia solution and dry in with dry Ivory soap In other sun or near a hot radiator, standwords lubricate them. Also moisten ing the brush on its bristles. ' it Well, sir, Mr. Barnaby, that's where the whole thing started. Them two names broke that deadline. They was too classical. All the classic atmosphere in the family was crammed into 'em and there was none left for the person of A. P. hismelf. Wnen Mr. Shakespeare asked that 9s LViJ 9 Send In Your Subscription Today One Year for $1.00 Six Months for 50c The Only Paper Printed in Lehi LEHI FREE PRESS a 'pretty question about tow long the name ought to be he ways So when f,i,pr t To vie a the of famny come and joy the pride the savin as to the ape of discretion, the age that noted be goes, it was to simultanecme had ,.t indiscretion with ous. A. P. Toyle was classic Latin dad's his the "ic" left home in His vocabulary was as grammar. not the big as the professor's thought fame. It seems the folks had some fears wasn't right from the start, but they of the fall second prepared fur the A. classical world that come one day. and P. just said: "I hate my name, No I don't like poverty nor Latin." out to set So he right more did he. it. made he and a make fortune, the Well in the course of time, as married Alysce he story book says, Taylore, from over .Manhattan way. He wanted a son. He wasn't concernbeed about no heir, you understand, his could spend easy cause his wife fond of too he was more No money. kids. But he wanted a boy. One day "I'm rich; that settles the he said: poverty score. I can't even talk good United States; that ought to do for the Latin. But I got my own ideas about names." Well A. P. he set right about it to get him a son. He knew he'd get it because he always got what he wanted. And he knew it would be a boy. Now the rest of us, our chances is But A. F. Toyle about fifty-fiftwas sure. And when the day come, or, rather, it was at night, why it was two boys. I've always said it was because he was so sure. And A. P. was twice as tickled. Mr. Barnaby, what do you suppose he named them boys? The preacher come when they was about five hours old. He dropped the names kind of promiscuous like because the kids looked so much alike. Anyway they still got 'em. A. P. just wrote the preacher a check and they both seemed pleased. Well, sir, he gave them boys the names of Joe Dan and Sam Rob. Not Joseph Daniel and Samuel Robert, you understand, but Joe Dan and Sam Rob. And then he figured he'd done his nickel's worth, and he forth-upo- n abandoned them innocent little boys to the loving care of their mother. What is it, George? Has the wet nurse come? Oh, a painter. Yes, in the striped file from 110 to 120. Well when I say abandoned, I mean abandoned, if the word means what Annie thinks it does. It was just like sendin' out a S.' 0. S. and the othti ship thinkin' it weant R. U. N., or something like that. Of course the missus couldn't give up none of hei clubs just to look after a couple of twins, even if they was hers. Anyway it was A. P. who had wanted 'em. What she needed, to my way of t thinkin," was one of these here you don't join. She didn't know no more about takin' care of babies than Annie did and wasn't half as anxious to learn. But thanks to this here employment agency of mine, A. P. Toyle's money, Annie's head, and the from the missus, we saved the day for them s. And so them boys was relieved of a pair of troublesome parents; the parents was relieved of a brace of bothersome twins; A P. was relieved of a nice pile of money, and Annie and me, we done ourselves no injustice by doin' the relievin'. That was five years ago. How time does flit, as the rhyme book says. Well Annie helped them twins past the tender age as you might say. Then me and her joined hands and circled all. That is, we been goin' around and around ever since. After that Annie's kid sister, Nellie, inherited the twins. During them fve years Mr. and Mrs. Toyle joined more clubs and the twins got more alike. They had breakfast in the nursery at six a. m. and then was gone for the day. A. P. had breakfast in the dinin' room at nine and then was gone for the day and night. The missus had breakfast in her room at eleven and then was gone till she got good and ready to come back. They seen each other at Christmas, and that was about all. It had to stop. And it did. Imagine them twins growin' up amongst the wrong kind of clubs. Not long ago grandpa and grandma Toyle come up to the twins' birthday party. They're still livin' in the classic atmosphere, but I guess it's not so bad. They hadn't seen much of A. P. the last few years, so here they come. Neither A. P. nor the missus knew anything about the party, but there was grandpa and grandma all ready for it. So they got their heads together, for once". They asked Nellie when the birthday was and cancelled all engagements for that day. They planned a real surprise. As it turned out, there was a good many surprises. Well when the evening was come, as the story book depicts it, A. P., not knowin' what to do, just done nothin'. And he looked real fatherly doin' it. He was occupyin' one big ed k-n- clubs-wha- near-orphant- father another, chair, and his old this and about Thcv was taik-icompanionable real rtA cettin .v. of them twin. n a ong comes one beams gun. Grandpa a n-ifine -boy. a My, what and which n'rt-t Just his legs P crosses hearin wnicn 4. and grins. the other way Sam eases, -yes, father," he Barnaby Mr R,ib's a good boy" The to death. could laugh myself r at, W addy.rmnotSamR I'm Mr. Barnaby, A. Joe Dan." Well sir, . . .. ci.v Finally- he man-, u I' J1USW -With Voat jms w cmrle: f to speak to have 1 11 son. jAAv r- Nellie about that." and A. r.s Just then the missus room The missus the into come mother been her When sighed. It mighfve h.s contribution the old gent spoke, much. strain the didn't relieve that is it possible son, mv Whv, children! own vou do'not know your A. P. didThe missus sighed again. Mayminute. a n't speak for maybe minutes. be it was two look "Well, you see, father, they his seess he Then so much alike." wife grinnin' and turns to the boy. "Come here, you young scalawag, 11 so 1 he bellered, "I'll mark you time." know you next she hadI guess the missus figured knowledge much too showed any n't that was a of affairs either and seen a good turn. S chance to do herself arm like a her out she just stuck of kind yelled: and actress "Archimedes Pelopenesus Toyle, the name by George, that's callin' you. . . wasn't no, George, I name. Archithe that's Pelopenesus, medes Pelopenesus Toyle," she yelled, All "don't you dare touch that child" her established of which certaininly as the reignin' favorite. A. P. didn't relish none the name own she'd called him right in his back come dare didn't house, but he for fear he might get in worse. As soon as he could get away he found Nellie and give her five dollars to put waist on one of a different-colore- d which one it him tell and them boys was. Well the party went off fine. 'As the paper says, everyone concerned done nicely. The twins done extra well. They got so many toys they had to be served in courses, and they got a papa and a mamma in the bargain. But as the sayin' goes, everything has got to have an end. About eleven thirty, railroad time, Nellie, who had an eye for business, Nellie she says, "I'm sorry, but the twins have to come now and say their ." The missus had a reput ation to keep good. "Nellie," she says, "donft forget to have the boys say their prayers." Her Then she smiles at grandma. stock went up another mile. Nellie blushed a little. She was onto her job and didn't like to be made a fool of by havin' the words took right out of her mouth. But the missus was supplyin' the money she was drawin' so she just bows and says: "No ma'am." That's how she was coached in this here employment agency of mine. Then for about the first time in their lives the twins kissed there father and mother and their grandparents and went with Nellie. After they left, the folks set still a while. The old people thought that, in spite of a slight lack of comprehension on the part of A. P., he had a fine home, and they was proud. Well, the missus observes: "Listen to the little darlings say their prayers. It's so sweet." A. P. begun to wonderin' if she'd stold a march on him. The stillness upstairs begun to get stiller. The old folks leaned forward. Maybe one of the youngsters would be a preacher, they thought, or a professor. Even A. P. figured he was due for a thrill. Then they heard it: "By golly, Nellie, I found a bed- bug." What is it, George? Ready? Good! Mr. Barnaby, your wet nurse is in the waiting-roosir. Yes, Oh, don't mention it. I'm glad to meet you. Call again. George, introduce Mr. Barnaby to the competent wet nurse. o Mr. and Mrs. Gereg p. William Price and Mr. T. A. T were business visitors to Silt I Saturday. LEHI Oh Boy They're Fin Boots $5.00. Store. LEHI reported improving rapidly. i For dearest friends, "Dad" and the children, mother and father, no gift can carry Mr. Edward Larsen and Mayor I. W. Fox were Salt Lake visitors Thursday. graph. Snyder Studio Phone 1ST; 150 You 1933 Almanac Is Here The 1933 edition of the Telephone Almanac is printed, Bring the coupon below to our nearest telephone office, call us, or man the coupon to us.There is no charge for the Almanac. - The Mountain States ephone and Telegraph Gentlemen TelCo. : I would like my copy of tie Telephone Almanac for 1933. Name ,wv'v-..T-r--r... Street . City Telephone No INSTANT Shoe Repairing I Septet Equipment SERVICE AND MATERIAL ARE at the Quality same GOOD carlo; YOURS of U irbeg! Shoe Rebuilders HAROLD (213 IMi STATE STREET ear ase of Pes; or yeggs. i ferage wa !31, rtober, jrhen. !ober i Utah, doubt rau re old he fie of pint lAdditio me ir 5th Here's the contractor, the mason and carpen ter to rebuild it. ran Wing The L. I. Wardle COUNSELOB "If it's insurance we have ft. For Automobile Insurance The best for the lest money. Let mo explain it to you. LEHI, UTAH Geo. M. Brockbanlj J Smvioi PonrAsentative BENEFICIAL LIFE INSURE CO. Provo, Utah C TTVT? A T 17! WICKER BABY sALi; uau ADS Vem "C BUGG tf' u" LEHI 80. Mr. and Mrs. Herbert Tim Dli;nr virrra nf Cfd of owning Salt Lake City, were LehiTaylor influences people whether visitors Sunday. what to uy and wherew". m. tv.n'. . want there it's a Free Press Want Get your new Cozy your local merchants, pi, 1 AO- - Coop pro rcent o See INSURANCE the pero 1 and baby of Vineyard, were Sunday guests of Mr. and Mrs. Alma Beck. tc IThe st I Art Poulson and children of FOUND Key ring with i came by'i Sandy, were guests at the W. W. uii. rwwner may 1 " for Dickerson home Sunday. LEHI ii ha ir OSBORNE, Mp. Mrs. Mr. and Mrs. Dick Holdaway ling Ipped e-- LEHI I the same personal sentiment, portrait so fittingly expresses You owe them your photo, II A V - FrW p0Wer, WANT spent Tuesday visiting in Provo. LEHI- - Here, Mr. W. S. Evans, who hai w. very ill for sometime is Mr. Earl Chitlon returned home Thrrsday from Garland where he has been employed during the campaign. Eldon Gough of Idaho Falls, Idaho, who is visiting relatives In Lehi, i I ai |