Show THE KEEPAPITCHI 94 Nil N HAVE WE ANOTHER “BOUREOX” AUoNG US? A SEMI MONTHLY 1'cvotcd to Cents Scents Principal Editor Deputy Asst Editor DEP’Y ASST’S CliKRK We recently saw a gentleman (rou will observe that all masculines are gentlemen now perambulating the sidewalk who took up entirely too much space for He had secured a an ordinary mortal From the tracts he big thing in “feet” distributed he did not know but it was the prin's of Whales PAPER Sense and Nonsense UNO IIOO UDET URLIFE B I Z Ness T E B 31 S : Annum in Advance? Months Single Copies Per - feix $150 1 - 00 10 THASKS li U B n A T E S : ive Copies to one address lIon $ 500 Copies to One Address and one to the clubber 1000 Capt Hooper will please accept Our thanks for recent Congressional favors $4r lor sale by all respectable Newsdealers everywhere IHOGENES IN TROUBLE He advertised for sale a certain tin squirt (it seems lie deals in such commodities) but has since received an intimation that it is not for sale This has filled his inmost soul with pious horror and sickenAll Communications on Easiness in order ing apprehensions But we would say to to receive attention must be addressed— JJxo him let not your heart be sad because of IIoo A Co Box D Salt Lake City evildoers The proprietor would surely W— irw— m never turn it on that institution it would WEDNESDAY FEB 15nr 1871 be like We carrying coals to Newcastle advise the proprietor whoever he may be to bury it and let it sink into that of oblivion to which the “New abyss This number completes volume two of Move” is fast" hastening our paper —We have not decided to continue it at present THEODORE - ILTOX A DVE It I I S E II E NTS Owing to the limited space devoted to Advertising we shall be under the necessity of restrict lllg --vavPrilScmcAito--tv u "NT Imte or less Terms each insertion fifty cents a lino — WANTEO IHHEIHATELY Theodore sends us a letter requesting us to insert a notice of his new paper to One who can cut a nice inscription in be called The Golden Age “Price thiee granite to be placed over the sepulchre dollars a year cash in advance” inform-in- g us that his address is T O Box2S4S of the ‘New iVlove” No Head stone New lork City W e have great respect required but a simple inexpensive footfor Bro Tilton and would as soon accomboard with the following inscription modate him as any man we know of (ex-- ’ 1871 Sacred to the memory of the “New cepting Horace Greeley or Ben Butler) for we know him to be an able writer but Move” aged 1 year and six months :H equic scat in pace we can’t depart from our regular system of business If we did it in his case we should probably next have an applicaWe have got so excited and worked up tion from Bonner or Henry Ward Beecher to notice them gratuitously We’d see on this subject that we have all our lamps d — d — d — depart first and then them set in tubs of cold water up to the wicks we wouldn’t ready for submersion on the first symptoms of sputtering and our wife never buys a GOLD candle without inquiring whether it is If any of our subscribers can give us non explosive or not Can’t be too cauthe exact market value of 19 carat gold tious unless you burn gas we should feel under obligations to them as we think some of discovering a gold FIZZLING OUT mine shortly We understand that us is One of our contemps recently received about gone up If they should succeed in getting out another number or two the following interesting letter we suggest that putting a joke or two in Mr Editor : each paper would help the sale of it much I set down and take my pen in hand to inform you that I can’t pay for my paper more than the editors wearing it on their no more at present hats Its worth trying anyway U K C cxj A mu ‘ ‘ ’ ’ Die-ago- n S ONE- - It O U N1 THE CORNER A mourner stood at a preacher’s door Asking a boon of a prayer said o’er form of a brother The clay-col- d The preacher stands with lofty mien Lifting his lofty hand between And with pious glare at the other Says: “Wheu an actor passes away Not mine the task o’er his corse to pray— mourner ! But then oh Though the thought to my soul a sorrow brings I doubt not they may do such things In a little church round the corner” The mourner turned and bowing bis head Thought of the words the Savior said When the Magdalen was kneeling And of him whom the patriarch’s arms infold Of Lazarus worn and poor and old At the door of the proud appealing That night the preacher had a dream In which his imagining made it seem Thct Death laid his hand on his shoulder And ere he had time to kneel ana pray He breathed his dignified soul away And left his body to moulder Ablaze of glory dazzled his eyes Ashe saw the gates of heaven arise But he gathered his robes about him And bowed to St Peler who held the keys Wondering much as he stood at ease How the saints got along without him The gates were ajar but the saint said “Hero You never can enter till it appear Of what good works you’ve been factor” And the preacher said: “I’ve made beautiful prayers church which my fold Built a brown-ston- e still shares And I wouldn’t bury an actor” The gates shut close and a voice from above Cried: “None enter here but for works of love” And that dignified soul was a mourner As St Peter’s touch on a httle bell Called up an angel and sent him to -- well He sent him around the corner — Ex Saxey says from the very recent dates their mail matter he judges that “all news from B(?ar Lake must pass round by way of Capo Horn and Puget Sound’ Why not change the mail route to a warmer latitude say through China and Timbuctoo we merely throw this out as a The people suggestion to Col Wickizer of Bear Lake might get up a “Monster” Something should bo done at petition once as the irregularity of the males at Bare Lake is becoming proverbial — T A W TAYLOR on YUen you know somedings aboud das shquare tealing den so quick you sliood come and sec aboud us Dond peat us down a tollar vlien you puy dwo slieelings you dond cood do dot anyhow A leedle child cood drade mit us yoost der same as Of a mans liedt pe of some one else some good shapes dot goots vit him no matter vat his name is ain’d it |