Show THE to keepap it c h I n I n 300 TOE KEEPAPITCIIININ: A Devoted SEMI- to Cents - MONTHLY- f - PAPER Scents Sense and Nonsense Principal Editor Deputy Asst Editor Dep’y Asst’s Clerk UNO HOO UBET URLIFE B I Z TERMS: Per Annum in Advance Six Months Single Copies - Ness $1 50 1 00 10 CLUB RAT ES: Five Copies to one address $ 500 Ten Copies to One Address and one to the clubber 1000 A5J For sale by all respectable Newsdealer everywhere ADVERTISEMENTS Owing to the limited space devoted to Advertising we shall be under the necessity of restrict ing Advertisements to FI YE lines or less Terms each insertion fifty cents a line AD All Communications on Business in order must be acldresst d—UNO to receive attention Hoo & Co Box D Salt JUNE 15 Lake City 1870 EDXTOXUA& THE UTAH CENTRAL SCHOOL-MARM- 300 Californian IIOPPER-ATI- S school-marm- s are on the way all going East at once Each occupies an entire train It must be rather an expensive train for the Who will train up Railway Companies the California child in the way it should go during the absence of this trained band Wonder how some of our bachelor friends would like to go through on a train ? Where’s GeorgeFrancis? of Don’t all speak at once school-mar- school-marms- “PEOPLE’S THEATRE” We see the advertisement of a New Theatre to be erected in S L City We believe there was a “People’s Theatre” erected here once before next the Telegraph office about which there was some unreasonable dissatisfaction on the part of the people They were not satisfied with the ownership they wanted to be paid for building it' That’s the way with some people always grumbling you can furnish them with any amount of work and they are not satisfied— they want pay “Give them an inch and they’ll as well take an ell” A great many want to invest in this “People’s Theatre” because it is going o be conducted on a different principle but they are afraid they will become rich and proud short This is the only STABILITY between here and direct We are pleased to see one of the New Passengers and baggage checked Ogden clear through without change consequentChurches opening up under favorable There is nothing like a circumstances ly the cheapest route in thq country Call on Call-de- r and the Methodists sure foundation £buld not have secured a more stable poNEW FEATURE IN OUR PAPER sition than they now have over Faust’s Faust’s Stable has been stable We would say for the encouragement Stable of the disorganized elements floating for some time We don’t know of a stable around which were formerly spirits in the anywhere more stable than Faust’s Stable — ranks of the New Move that we intend A RAID ON THE RUFFLES bur paper opening a spiritual column in One of the committee appointed by the shortly and shall probably engage for their edification the services of Danl Webster Henry Clay and a few choice of assured us that they are determined spirits who seem to have nothing better to do and consequently take pleasure in to squelch the ruffle business Henceforth no person will be allowed to appear on the communicating with mundane humanity — with ruffles on the dress nor with streets SUGGESTION a ruffled temper This is a step in the right direction We would suggest to Br Harrasing have longed to put our foot down on We well New to be would as that it keep the ruffles for some time those Move in check — such things are apt to Two cents a pound will be paid for all grasp the bits in their teeth and get ruffles deposited at this office until furcheck-reiaway— nothing like a good notice ther Keep them down to the Planchette a while longer—they are not all mediums What is the greatest curiosity in the world?— A woman’s yet by a jug full Pan-Hand- le n Our cotemporary of the News advises tarring the trees just above where the Hoppers can jump To those who may be ignorant of the height of a Grasshopper’s jump we would say that one born of pious but honest parents not larger than a piece of chalk! can on an empty stomach just after breakfast jump as We have a Hopper high as a tow string tied up in our garden that will jump as high as two tow strings and a ribbon He’s very ambitious — he would jump his This is why legs off if we would let him A far surer plan is we keep him tied the following specific for Grasshoppers It appearpublished in our first volume ed in the September number and by December 3d at 4 p m or a few minutes after there was not a live grasshopper in the Territory “How to get ahead of the grasshoppers — Insert the point of a keen knife just below the scalpus ad libitus between the juggling vein and the carosive asteroid then by: a dexterous movement of the sinister thumb you can easily sever the caput from the ospostorus” r “The Duke of Devonshire lately sold a ball one day old or 500 guiueas” Did he We don’t wish to dispute this The Duke is a gentleman of statement veracity no doubt Five hundred guineas equals about $2500 Quite likely he sold his calf for $2500 only 1 day-old- ! At that rate when' grown the calf would We don’t dispute bring about $25000 this form moment but will bet the Duke $10000 or half we’re worth that he couldn’t sell that same calf here for $25 No sir ! and he’d think himself lucky if Fact is calves ain’t he got $10 for him We sold a splendid appreciated here calf here not long ago and all the butchers gave for the whole concern — hide tallow and rennet— was only about $8 We don’t dispute however that the Duke sold his calf as reported but the story is rather indefinite It don’t say where he4 sold nor when nor whom he sold to It may be We are not personally all right though lie was out acquainted with the Duke of town when we called at his place ca r ! “Pap” said Johnny “can’t I go to the Menagerie and see the Pelican swaller bad little boys?” “No my son” affectionately replied Mr Brown “but if you are a good boy I’ll let you have a tooth pulled or read a column of the Tribune” — If a man deserts his wife which is the most abandoned the man or the woman? ' |