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Show mnHHDIHiV X HflflJ Tender. JBfl They fanned tho chieftain 'with a MB palm branch, for tho dnjr was hot, and flflfl ho had eaten heavily. flfl "What kind of a minister," he flflfl asked, "was that wo had, for dinner?" flfl Tho court fool. Jingling with bis flflfl bells, replied: flfl "Prime minuter, aire." Phlladel- flfl phla Bulletin. flflfl Placing Him. flflg "Yes, he's a quarter-back In col- m flflj "That's football, Isn't It!" Dm "Yes, quarter-back Is football." "What Is he In his Btudles?" flflfl "Oh, he's away back In thorn." flflfl Houston Post. A Saving Clause. "No, madam," said the houseowner, "I cannot let you haro the houso on account of the little boy." "Hut," explained the woman, "we don't want to move In until after the Hiurth of July, and then we won't have tho boy." This, of course, had not occured to tho houseowner. Like Ma Made for Pa. "Our John's wife," said John's father, fa-ther, "Is too easy with him. 8he'a too ready to make excuses for him." "Well," remarked John's mother, significantly, "John can't say truthfully truthful-ly that they're not 'like mother used to make.' " H PROFITABLE. fl Doctor My friend, you must profit by advice. , flflfl . Patient I would If I sot two dollars a visit for Riving It, like you do. KB , A Brave Man. BH,( "Do you seo that little man over B." there lu tho bluo suit?" flfl "Yes, what about blni?" HflflJ . "Bravest man In town," flfl I "Ho doesn't look It. What has he BflK dono?" BBSej "Had tho courago to sit on the BBJt! porch In his shirt hIccvcs on one of BflflflY' the most fashionable streots In the HflflJ) city," Clovcland Plain Dealer. H Congratulations with a Sting- flflfl - First fond mamma (whoso hopes BflBV have latnly bean dashed) "Our hoartl- BBBB- est conRratulatlons on dear Violet's HflflH cngagomont, Mrs. Hookham." HflflH Second fond mamma (whoso horos flflfl have been realized) "Thank you. Wo BBBfl arc delighted. Capt. Norton Is such a BBBfl charming follow." BBBB First fond mamma "Yes, and so BBBB aolf-sacrlflclng." H Not Mean to the Postmistress. BBBB "Hero's a postal card for you, miss," BBBfl said the vlllago postmistress. BBBfl "A postal card!" exclaimed tho vll- BBBB lage bello. "Who's been mean enough BBBB to send mo Information on a postal BBBB "I tbtnk he'd been mean If ho'd put BBBfl, tho Information tn a scalad envelope BBBfll so I couldn't havo read lt.M Yonkers flflfl Ctatotman. i-" Misunderstood. She "I told you I was going to paint those porch chairs to-day and 1 asked you to go over to our neighbor's and borrow somo paint." HJ Ho "Yes, and I went over and HBBfftj asked for somo paint." 2 "Well, whoro Is It?" BBU "Oh, tho woman over there said HBBflj1 (' ' they had no paint that would go with Hl i- r your H Changed His Mind. fl, Crittlck I saw Nurllch looking at flflflt I ono of your paintings tho othor day. BBJ D'Aubor Ah! I'm glad of that. Ho HBBfl intimated to mo Hint ho might have flflfl something for mo to do v. fl Crittlck Yos, while ho wbh looking BBV at It ho told mo ho lind Intended to flflfl lot you paint his back fence, but he flflflfl didn't think ho would now. flflflfl Naming No Names. BBBM "I'm glad I don't live lu (Jurmany BBBB right now," said tho man who was H trying t ccupy three seats at nnco BBBl In tho struct car. "I'm afraid of chol-BBBl chol-BBBl flflflfli "No doubt you are," said his neigh BBBfll bor, savagely. "I know n farmer who flflflfl1! had a wtiolo tlrovo die of It the other PfBBI' day," Cleveland leader. BBBB Shrewd Darber. flBflflt "That harbor seems to bo doing a HflflH! rushing buslnoss." BBBfll "Yes. Ho has Invented a hair tonic flflflfljj that smells exactly like gasoline." HUB "nut or I don't boo tho po'nt." i"It tickles tho vanity of his patrons. Thoy go around smelling of gasoline- - and this rIvcs tho Impression that they flflflflj own automobiles." flBBlr Customary Proficiency. QB "How Is your son getting en In his BBBB new position?" HBflB "First rate," answered Kanior Corn- flBBHv v totscl. "Ho knows more nbout tho flBBBT business now than tho bond Joes. All BBmbJ ho bus to do is to convince tho boss." HBflJfl Born of Experience. HHJHP "Sam, do jou bollove there's luck BBflfl 'i J In a rabbt foot?" BJHJBtj v," "No,kjtf"8Vdoosn't " BSttB" l , X , -lSmt" BflBBl 'CAir' J'yfer3L,tl2rl0(1 ono wuen dun cl H 'kpr 'JSaBflr,ors stniMraRn- H 'iS"JBt- flnk j4 -JSBBl Echo-Like. "Eckort'a wlfo Is very strong-minded, you know, and shu always calls Eckert 'Echo.' " "I see. . Ho Just repeats tho things sho Rays, eh?" "Not only that, but sho wants to Imprest) Im-prest) on him that he's not to speak until ho's spoken to." A Frank Admission. "I used jour hair renew or and now look nt me." "Did you take It Intornally or externally?" ex-ternally?" "Can It be used cither way?" "Certainly. It doesn't make a hair's dlfforenco which way you uso It." Not Too Hard. "nattier hard to lose your daughtor, oh?" said tho gncst ut the wedding. "No," roplled the brido's father: "It did look as If It was going to bo hard at one tlmo, but sho Anally landed this fellow just as wo woro giving up all hope." Philadelphia I-edger. 8usplclous. "Hut, Rosa, If you have no talont for painting, why not tako up chemistry?" "Impossible, papu. Tho other mem-bors mem-bors of tho Emancipated club would think I was trying to learn cooking In n roundabout way." Meggcndorfer Dlattor. , Couldn't De Prejudiced. Thefuther I want to under- standslr,' that my daug. ir Is one of the ornaments of tho smart sctl The suitor Don't try to uisparago her, sir. I'm wllllug to take her Just as she Is. Cleveland Plain Dealer, ',' . Doston Icebergs, Patience Whut do you understand Is the' normal temperament ut tho body? " ' t Patrtco Well, It all depends. In most places It Is about 100, but In Doston Dos-ton I believe it Is about 18. Where Wealth Takes Second Place. "There Is ono thing about our waning wan-ing democracy that greatly ploasca me." "And what Is that?" "It Is tho fact that when it comes to giving a girl a seat In a stroat car the pretty girl has the call over the merely rich girl overy time." Insult Piled on Injury. "Why am I gloomy?" demanded the undeslrnblo admirer, to whom she had given the cut direct. "Isn't it enough to make one gloomy to be cut by tho one he loves best?" "Tho Ideal" exclaimed tho heartless girl, "I didn't even know that you shaved yourself." Not to Be Disturbed. Queery You're got a Morris chair at your house, I suppose. Henpeck Ob, yes. Queery They're gTeat, I think. Don't you enjoy It? Henpeck I do, whon I get a chance, but Henrietta's cat usually gets there before me. He 8tayed Up. Father Itobert, Is It not about time that little boys wore In bed? Itobert (aged C, carelessly glancing at his watch) Really, father, I most bo excused from venturing an opinion. opin-ion. It Is a subject In which I have tittle interest; I havo no little boys, you know. It Was the Tone of Voice. "What's Maudo crying about now?" "Ob, sho asked hor husband It he would marry again In case she died and ho declared that ho wouldn't." "Well, nothing wrong about that." "No; h). you should havo heard him say it." Not Quite Finished. "Orcathead's n friend of nine. He's invented a flying machine you know." "Indeed! Has he glvon It a practical prac-tical test yet?" "Oh, no; he'B still alive." Catholic Standard. An Important Exception. "Helen has a rather unpleasant disposition, dis-position, hasn't sho?" "Well, I'vo never known hor to say a good word for any of her acquaintances, acquaint-ances, with ono exception." "And that was." "Hcrsolf." . . Caught. "Now, ray dear sir." said Dr. Fox, "I can't cure you unless you promise to do everything I tell you." "All right," Bald Skinner, "I promise." prom-ise." "Ooidt Now, first of all, pay me my last yoar'a bill." Well, Hardly. Maglstrato You say you stole the crabs becauso your family was starving; starv-ing; yet I have been given to understand under-stand that you keep three dogs. Prisoner Yes, your Honor, sir; but I couldn't ask my family to cat dog meat, sir. '; N SOMEONE LEFT. . . . . , "Mario married him In splto of great opposition, didn't she," "Ye, If she's unhnppy, sho'U havo no one to blamo but hcrsolf." "Why? What's tho mattor with her blaming him?" Grounds, "Mr. Slopay, did I understand you to any jou believed my coffee to ba half chicory?" "I bollovo," replied Mr. Slopay, peering into his cup, "I have grounds for such a belief." Houston Post. Explained. 'This paper says thoro aro at least 10,000 stray dogs on the streets of Constantinople. "Yes. so I'vo heard. You seo the Mohammedan religion does not allow its devotees to eat sausage. ' |