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Show HOW TO KEEP A HUSBAND AT HOME.--"Julia" writes us a long letter asking how she can keep her husband home nights. She says she has done everything she can think of to please him, but he will insist on leaving her alone each evening. We fear Julia doesn't make her husband's home pleasant for him, or he would certainly not go away. Now, Julia, you go down town to-day and buy a keg of beer, placing it in one corner of the dining room. Strew sawdust over the floor, and put half a dozen coarse, wooden boxes about the room for spittoons. Hang a sheet across one end of the room, invite half a cozen of your husband's male friends to spend the evening. Then, Julie, you and your servant dress yourself up in long stockings and night-dresses, and when your friends have assembled with their cigars pull aside the sheet you have previously hung up and skip from one side of the room to the other on the tips of your toes, singing, "Tra la-lu-le!" and jumping as high as you can at every third stop. This will prove a highly interesting exercise for yourself and servant, and prevent your husband from staying away. If your husband's male friends are married, invite their wives to assist you in the evening's entertainment. If this doesn't keep him at home evenings, you'd better trade him off for a yellow dog, and keep the dog chained up.-Od? City Derrik. |